Sometimes It's What We Don't Say

Remember not only to say the right thing at the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. - Benjamin Franklin

This past weekend was fantastic. The kind where you don't set an alarm clock, and instead spend the morning enjoying copious amounts of hazelnut french-pressed coffee while perusing blogs with your loved one- education and lifestyle for her, and sports for him. The type where you relax with your family -both sides, and spend hours coloring and rough housing with your niece. The kind where you spend two hours making gnocchi and gouda cheese sauce from scratch. The fantastic kind of weekend.

Well, Sunday morning I got a little bit too much into that carefree, relaxed feeling. Okay, I get too relaxed and carefree every Sunday morning. I don't know what it is, but I make myself, and my husband, late for church every. single. weekend. Seriously. I could start getting ready an hour early, and I'd still find a way to make us a minute or two late. It's like it's my calling (no, it's definitely not, but you'd think it was). Since I'm so consistent in my late-running ways, Pete likes to gently encourage me to start getting ready a few minutes early each Sunday. I usually give him the "I have plenty of time, I'll start in 5 minutes" routine, and this week was no different. You know what else was no different? Me...walking out the door 10 minutes late. When I looked at the time I felt my chest fall as I realized my habit in lateness continued. I slipped into the car and waited for it...you know, one of the many variations of the "I told you so, when are you going to get it" type of phrases. A couple of minutes went by and I didn't hear anything. Where was it?? Surely we weren't going to drive all the way to church without one comment on my tardiness. So, I waited a bit longer. Nothing. It's now 3 days later and I still haven't heard anything, so I think I'm safe at this point to say it isn't coming.

Once inside church we met with our small group. We're doing a study together on The 5 Love Languages and one of the love languages is Words of Affirmation. At the end, we were asked to reflect on a recent time we had received words of affirmation. It was then that I realized the greatest source of affirmation I had received that day, were the words Pete didn't speak to me in the car that morning. By refraining from commenting on how I was late again, he silently voiced to me "It's okay. I know you're trying, and that's enough".


I felt such a huge weight of relief, and quite honestly love, from Pete when he didn't voice the all too easy "you did it again" words. He was showing me love in his silence.He knows me, and therefore he knows I'm usually harder on myself than anyone else could be anyways. Because of that, I think he subconsciously knew that the best way he could help me was just to say nothing at all.

 If some people speak and feel love dominantly through words, they can probably feel hurt just as intensely from words. Therefore; I think that what we don't say has just as much ability to love, help, and encourage people as what we do say.

It's a challenging thing- knowing when to speak, and when not to speak. But, it's pretty exciting too. To get to know yourself on a deeper level, know others better, slowing down and reflecting in order to be able to communicate in a more effective, and positive way.....it's a huge growth opportunity. An adventure, really. One that I'm pretty excited to begin.