26 Lessons for 26 Years

Today, I'm celebrating my birthday turning 27. Technically, I started yesterday, but today I get to celebrate with my family. Tonight, we're going over to my parents house for a small party and my mom makes the best lasagna in the world. You can't even imagine the ooey, gooey, cheesy delight that lies within this specialty dish. She's made it for me every year since I can remember, and just getting to go over and eat it with my family is the greatest gift in the world from her.

Anyways, this past year was huge for me, so I wanted to reflect on everything I've begun to learn in my 26th year, so I can carry into my 27th as I continue to learn, and grow!

1. Growth is s  l  o  w sometimes. When you plant a watermelon seed, three months can go by and you still don't have the watermelon. You can learn many wonderful life lessons every day, but that doesn't mean you're going to be able to change the pathways in your brain overnight to apply them all. It takes time for them to become natural routines.

2. And that's okay! The inability to apply something right away doesn't mean you aren't growing. It just means, like riding a bike, it's going to take time until you get all the way around the block without falling sometimes. At first you fall several times, then you fall a few times, then less and less. The important part is your continued vigilance in getting back on the bike. Hence, lessons I've begun to learn this past year.

3. There isn't a person in the world you couldn't love if you could read their whole story. I learned this in the most unlikely of ways: watching Breaking Bad. Weird, right? I was so caught off guard by my ability to really feel for, and want the best for, the antagonist: Walter White. But, it's true. It takes on a whole new light when you actually see the whole story from their shoes. (And no, I do not condone meth).

4. Which leads in to, it's not our job anyways to decide if someone is worthy of our love, or not. I have a God for that. My job, is just to love them. Because, He created them. No questions asked.

5. The people that are the hardest to love need it the most. My children (students, I'm not secretly hoarding any in my house) continuously teach me that. And, most often, they show it in very unloving ways. Regardless, it's a defense mechanism, and a secret cry for love.

6. Children are one of the greatest sources from which we can learn. They call me the teacher, but little do they know exactly how much they're teaching me every. single. day.

7. Never turn down the exciting, fun, things you enjoyed as a child just because you're a grown-up. Or, because of the immature mess it could make. You'll never regret those on your death bed (at least I don't think...) Getting soaked in the rain storm, spinning on the playground, and having cookie dough fights are still some of the greatest sources of fun, and pleasure, if we just go for it. For crying out loud, you can take a shower and use some Lysol afterwards, and anyone that's judging you really just needs to join you that much more.

8. The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them. Sometimes, I can spend so much time getting caught up, maybe feeling defensive, about my own choices and others differing views. Many of those times, not all, I think it's been a secret insecurity of doubting my own choices. The more I choose to embrace, and accept, my choices, the less I feel threatened by what others think of them.

9. Things do not have to be perfect to be wonderful. Things has many meanings: my hair, the state of cleanliness in the kitchen, the sold out movie, the traffic jam to a missed event.

10. When things don't go as planned, there's often something even better, or just as enjoyable, that's waiting if we're able to look, and listen, for it with an open heart rather than dwelling on the fact things didn't go as planned.

11. The pursuit of excellence is gratifying, the pursuit of perfection is frustrating, neurotic, and a terrible waste of time. -Edwin Bliss....<-that one has taken MANY years to accept, and is quite the long, slow process. But, acknowledgment is the first step ;).

12. Worrying will not stop any of the bad stuff you fear from happening, it will just stop you from enjoying the good things in front of you. <-another one, slow process. I repeat this one daily.

13. Most of the time, the things you worry about never even happen. Ask me how many things I feared over a certain, unspoken, time span in my life, and how many of them actually came to seed. Maybe 10% of them.

14. The bad things that do happen in our life? There is always, ALWAYS, something good that comes from it if we have an open heart. You may not see it right away, you may not see it directly after. But, there is always something good that can come from it; even if that good is simply growth. The largest mistake in my entire life led to eventually meeting the greatest gift of my entire life: my husband. I would never go back and change that mistake now simply because of that.

15. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. Note the key word: mistakes. At the time, you did the best you knew how to do. You can only do better once you know better, and that's okay. If God can forgive you, you should forgive yourself also.

16. Never forget your purpose for doing something. When things are difficult, ask yourself your original purpose for that venture. Have you stayed on track? If not, how can you get back on track? That purpose will lead you back to your initial love and joy. Having no purpose is a far greater loss than temporarily losing your way.

17. The older I get, the more I am convinced I am definitely not the one running the show- and that is a good thing. Understanding, and believing, what I was created for has helped me find my passion and purpose in life, and that truly makes all the difference.


18. In order to love others, you need to love yourself. When you love yourself you're not being selfish, you're allowing your inner light and strengths to shine through in order to love and appreciate others fully.

19. Coffee is always a good idea. Unless you have esophagitis, in which case I recommend taking some black licorice (DGL tablets, not the candy) and then enjoying your coffee over ice ;).

20. Collect moments, not things. When I was little, I can still remember the flurry of butterflies whizzing around my stomach on the day of my birthday. The anticipation to open up my presents was almost unbearable! Now, don't get me wrong. I still love getting a present :). But, I've learned that when I look back on previous years, it's the moments I remember. Not the gifts. I can't tell you what I got for my 10th Birthday, I have no clue. But, I can tell you that I remember getting to celebrate at my cousins house with a bounce house and how much fun I had bouncing around with my family. I also have no clue what I got for Christmas two years ago. I definitely remember spending the afternoon with the love of my life at the Eiffel Tower. It's the moments we carry with us.

21. My mom gave me the advice growing up to try and go somewhere, or do something, I really wanted to go/do before I had children. Because, once you have kids it can sometimes be that much harder (not to say kids aren't a wonderful blessing, I adore children). However; I never forgot it, and I took her advice this year (after 3yrs of planning/saving) and booked our trip to Europe. I'm so glad, it's a decision I'll never regret with memories I'll never forget.

22. What's right for one person, isn't necessarily right for another. I learned this one earlier on, but it was a good refresher lesson this year. Just because everyone around you is hopping on the baby express train, it doesn't mean that you have to right away... or even should. It's okay to go at your own pace.

23. How people treat you is not necessarily a reflection of you, many times it's a reflection of themselves. And, the ones that treat you not so nicely when you weren't unkind? They probably need your kindness and love that much more. -That's a really tough one to remember many times.

24.There really isn't much point competing with others (unless it's a tennis match). Life is much more satisfying when you just focus on self growth. After all, don't we hope we all make it?

25. Kale (in my personal, humble opinion) does not taste good. I've tried as hard as I can to like it, but I'm just not feeling the hype. I'll stick with my dose of spinach.

26. 27 is not scary as I once thought...it's actually exciting. It's a miracle I've made it this far, and every Birthday is a reminder that God has given you the gift of another day :).

Now, it's time to go eat some amazing lasagna!

The Gift, and Curse, of Our Impact

It's amazing how little we know, sometimes, about the people's lives around us and how our interactions with them can affect them - for better or worse. Even in the lives of tiny first graders. Especially in lives of tiny first graders.

Today, I was doing an interactive subtraction lesson with my kids. We were using unifix cubes to represent cookies (if there's one thing little kids understand it's cookies). Well, before you know it, instead of building 10 unifix cubes and taking 4 off to represent some being subtracted, or "eaten", some of kids were using them to make finger puppets, or simply hiding them under their legs from their partners. Who would imagine that such a thing could happen in an engaging first grade math lesson? I digress...Anyways, that led to a conversation on how these cubes were our important tools to help us problem solve, and as mature first graders (ha, I know) we needed to be able to use them appropriately right now. Lo, and behond, one of my sweet little ones abruptly started sobbing. Not an embarrassed scowl, not a little mist in the eyes, a full out wailing, hiccuping, cry session. That was definitely not the intended outcome of that little behavior chat.

After finding time to speak privately with her, and then calling her mom to get some more insight, it turns out she was having some huge insecurity issues about being young for her grade. She's on the very young side of first grade. But, she's also bright with an enthusiasm and curiosity for learning. That wasn't what she always saw; though. Turns out, she saw someone that was a "baby" next to the other first graders. Someone who hadn't lost her first tooth yet, and desperately wanted to, when all of the other girls had lost several- and another girl had just lost a tooth again before that math lesson. Lost teeth are a big deal in first grade. A right of passage, a celebratory success of the signs the universe is showing them that they're becoming a "big kid".

My behavior reminder was never intended to make this sweet girl feel badly. And, reflecting back even now, I know I wasn't overly harsh or even feeling harsh during my reminder conversation with the class. However; her reaction alarmed me and jolted me back to the reality that there is so much going on in each and every one of their lives that I just have no clue about.

It's a little strange sounding, but I'm glad the situation happened. I'm not glad my student cried, of course not. But, I am glad that it prompted me to pick up the phone and call mom to let her know, and get her thoughts on it. I'm grateful that it led me to find out more about this child's thought process, and what she was carrying inside of her. I'm grateful because now I can carry some of that into my interactions with her, and perhaps help her see the bright, independent, lucky young first grader that I see. I can think more deeply about what conversations might help her, or do more harm than good.

How many times do we interact with people and affect them for better, or worse, without even realizing it? How much are people carrying that we have no clue about, and our words, or actions, trigger that alarm inside of them...but we never know. I was gifted with the opportunity to find out what was going on with this little girl this time, but how many times have I triggered the alarm without ever knowing, or intending to?

It's hard. Thinking, and being aware of, the hidden alarms and triggers inside of people every time we interact with them. Especially when there's 25 of them all at one time, at the age of six(ish). But it's crucial. I want to get better at it. I'm striving to become more aware. Because even when you're having a bad day, or a bad moment, and you just want the world to stop and disregard you for a moment, it often doesn't. And your words, your actions, they still matter in that moment. The world keeps turning, and your words, your actions, have an impact that you may not even be aware of at the time. So, I want to slow down, breathe, and be more aware. That's my prayer.

Grateful Mondays: 10 Current Favorite Things

It's Monday! Time to prevent the "Monday Blues" by lining up some of my current favorite things that I'm grateful for today. Without further ado....

1. Delightfully colored Autumn leaves.

2. Having that amazing guy above to enjoy them with each day. #bliss #1

3. These chocolate chip cookies...yum!

4. Fall TV premiers: I've missed you, Modern Family!

5. Warm, cozy blankets

6. A wonderful downtown library that provides of plethora of magical books. Currently reading this one:

7. Only a week and a half until this crazy movie comes out! -This book was absolutely captivating...definitely psychotic, but the type you don't put down til you're finished. I get shivers every time I watch the trailer. Can't. Wait.

8. Weekend dinners with my family that are filled with laughs, quirky comments, wafting smells of warm, delicious food, and love.

9. Sunshine. Never underestimate the power of wonderful rays of light, and their healthy dose of vitamin D.

10. Friendships that don't know the boundaries of time and distance.

Changing Life Through Thoughts

"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it." - Eckhart Tolle

Reflecting on my week so far, I'm beginning to support this theory. No, not beginning, I fully agree. A couple years ago, I don't think I would have, but life has a funny way of changing your circumstances in order to gift you with the lessons that you need to learn.

September means many things. Birthdays :), the long awaited return of the cider mill, the giddy anticipation of glorious colored trees, cozy nights with sweatshirts, blankets, and excited crowds at sports games, bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils, and a classroom full of new children with blank slates. I got caught up in the wonder of autumn for a minute, but yes, it's that last one that's the ringer this week. Moment of truth there:

 

That card sums up many recent afternoons in the past few weeks. And, you know, it wasn't feeling that great. In retrospect, I should have known better. After all, it wasn't my first beginning of the school year, and with the new comes intense temporary challenges. But, still, I guess I didn't know better yet. In complete bare honesty, I felt I was failing. No dramatizing intended; just raw truth. And, I definitely did not look at that failure as an opportunity, but simply that: failure. Like I said, I wasn't feeling in my prime. 

However; I think most of it was exactly that: how I was looking at it and thinking about it. A few days later I ended up having an unexpected conversation with someone. One of those where it starts out light and simple: what you intend to just be a quick question, but then turns into a much longer, but very meaningful and impacting, moment. At the end of that conversation, I walked away with a very different view on myself, and my role in the classroom (clue: it didn't include the word failure). Quite simply, and not so simply, that alone seems to have changed everything.

The next day, the vibes and energy from the school day were completely different. I felt relief, purpose, trusting: and it changed how I felt about every aspect of the day in the classroom. Mishaps weren't failures: they were opportunities. Time constraints weren't a ticking time bomb: they were a chance to pick between which things were truly more important in the long run. And my kids? Well, I really feel my internal feelings and beliefs impacted them as well. I saw love, and happiness, in some that I hadn't noted before. Like I said, I think it was a change in them too; maybe not, but either way there was change for the better among some of us at least. And the next day, to my delight, was the same.

 My definition of school in September used to be this: exhausting chaos. Now, it is this: children with blank slates. Why? I'm still in the exact same class. Because, my thinking changed. I hope I'm able to help others someday the way that I was tremendously helped in that single conversation this week. Because, it's really not your situation so much that matters. It's your thoughts about it: they're close to everything.

Mondays: Blues or Gratitude?

Mondays. I started out today with such great intentions (yah, I know, don't we all?). Instagram is all about hashtagging the Monday Blues, but really Monday Blues are just overrated. Who wants to go around starting their day with a bad outlook? Well, I don't. So, I pasted on my smile and drove to work singing positive thoughts in my head (I can't wait to see my kids! I'm going to build closer, positive relationships with them today! We're going to grow and all love trying our best today!) Yah....well, it's pretty amazing how quickly that sunk right through the floor. By four o'clock, a whole class of mixed-up exhausted first graders, and one overwhelmed teacher later, and my Pandora's box had sprung open, filled the insides of me, and began to bubble out for the world to see. Turns out I'm not Mrs. Frizzle after all. Not. A. Proud. Moment. After stewing in my shallow pool of loathing after school, I realized it's not the end of the world...or even the day, actually. It was a mistake. One I can learn from, and grow from, the same way I tell my kids. So, with that I came up with a few things I could take away from the experience for next time and then filled my head with all of the things I am grateful for today to restore my positive Monday perspective!

10 Things I'm Currently Grateful For:

1. Pumpkin Spice Lattes

2. One Tree Hill reruns (we all have our guilty pleasures)

3. Six year olds whose faces I look forward to seeing every school day

4. Hot shower pressure

5. An AMAZING husband who makes me laugh every. single. day. (clearly these aren't in order of importance, or I swear he'd be above the PSL)

6. Despicable Me clips I can integrate into lesson plans:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XjDEeLp_Qg

7. Grace. 

8. Comedy #thisislife:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=KdxEAt91D7k

9. Inspirational Quotes. Oh, how I love a good quote!


10. Sleep. Because, seriously, when all else fails, take a nap.

The Beauty of Surrendering

This past Friday I went to go see Oprah on her tour: The Life You Want. Now, to be honest, I never really had watched much of Oprah back when she had her show. Except for a few of those "Oprah's Favorite Things" episodes. Those always caught my attention. I mean, who couldn't wait to see what amazing gifts Oprah was going to throw out next?? "You get a beach house!!! Evvvvverybody is getting a beach hoooouse!!!!" (Okay, maybe not that huge, but a girl can dream). Anyways, that Friday she was going to come out and speak for 2 hours and I wasn't really sure what to expect. In the end, not only did I have a great night, but I walked away with a new respect for her. I came away learning a lot, and also with a good deal of musing to do over the weekend. First of all, it turns out Oprah was basically a young child prodigy. I mean, check out that spelling inventory she had mastered by her first day of Kindergarten.

I'm pretty sure I was proud just to be spelling my own name! It was something she said later; though, that really stuck in my mind and began to churn. She was talking about a time in her own life when she really wanted a role in the movie The Color Purple. In fact, she became so convinced she wasn't going to get it, and that this was due to her being "fat", even though no one had said anything of the sort, that she sent herself to a "fat farm" with the goal of losing 40 pounds in 2 weeks. No, I'm not misquoting this! Long story short, she realized that she had become overly consumed with her desire to get the role and she needed to surrender the situation to God. It was at this point that she said "So many people view surrender as this (shoulders hunched, sinking into the ground, look of defeat on the face), but really surrender is this (arms raised up high in release, with a content, and peaceful, smile). The realization kind of struck me across the head that I was definitely in that "so many people" category more often than I care to admit. And, if I believe in nothing or no one outside my own capability than I could justify that...I certainly have a lot to offer as everyone does, but God hasn't granted me access to perform miracles just yet. But, that's the thing. I don't believe in myself alone. I have a Savior that I claim to believe in, and that changes everything. Does that mean that I'm going to understand every outcome, or that everything is going to be "easy peasy lemon squeezy" as my first graders enjoy saying? No. It definitely does not. It DOES; however, mean that in the end every single situation will work out for good...for God's good AND for my good. And, even if I don't understand it at the time, and it isn't my picture of good, who I am to possibly challenge if my way or God's way is the better way? I may only be 26, but I've begun to rack up my own series of life experiences, and in that collection there have been some that were pretty painful. But, there is not a single one that I can't look back on and find God's hand of direction somewhere in the outcome. When I reflect on that, why waste my time trying to control things that are inevitably out of my control? That's not to say I condone being a lazy bum, but at some point you have to accept you've done all you can do and surrender the rest to Him. When I reflect on God's grace, and love, in every difficult situation in my life, that surrender all of a sudden becomes so much more light, beautiful, and full of relief to be honest. So, thank you Oprah. For showing me a wonderful truth on something I often have lost sight of along the way. I feel a little lighter, already :).