It's amazing how little we know, sometimes, about the people's lives around us and how our interactions with them can affect them - for better or worse. Even in the lives of tiny first graders. Especially in lives of tiny first graders.
Today, I was doing an interactive subtraction lesson with my kids. We were using unifix cubes to represent cookies (if there's one thing little kids understand it's cookies). Well, before you know it, instead of building 10 unifix cubes and taking 4 off to represent some being subtracted, or "eaten", some of kids were using them to make finger puppets, or simply hiding them under their legs from their partners. Who would imagine that such a thing could happen in an engaging first grade math lesson? I digress...Anyways, that led to a conversation on how these cubes were our important tools to help us problem solve, and as mature first graders (ha, I know) we needed to be able to use them appropriately right now. Lo, and behond, one of my sweet little ones abruptly started sobbing. Not an embarrassed scowl, not a little mist in the eyes, a full out wailing, hiccuping, cry session. That was definitely not the intended outcome of that little behavior chat.
After finding time to speak privately with her, and then calling her mom to get some more insight, it turns out she was having some huge insecurity issues about being young for her grade. She's on the very young side of first grade. But, she's also bright with an enthusiasm and curiosity for learning. That wasn't what she always saw; though. Turns out, she saw someone that was a "baby" next to the other first graders. Someone who hadn't lost her first tooth yet, and desperately wanted to, when all of the other girls had lost several- and another girl had just lost a tooth again before that math lesson. Lost teeth are a big deal in first grade. A right of passage, a celebratory success of the signs the universe is showing them that they're becoming a "big kid".
My behavior reminder was never intended to make this sweet girl feel badly. And, reflecting back even now, I know I wasn't overly harsh or even feeling harsh during my reminder conversation with the class. However; her reaction alarmed me and jolted me back to the reality that there is so much going on in each and every one of their lives that I just have no clue about.
It's a little strange sounding, but I'm glad the situation happened. I'm not glad my student cried, of course not. But, I am glad that it prompted me to pick up the phone and call mom to let her know, and get her thoughts on it. I'm grateful that it led me to find out more about this child's thought process, and what she was carrying inside of her. I'm grateful because now I can carry some of that into my interactions with her, and perhaps help her see the bright, independent, lucky young first grader that I see. I can think more deeply about what conversations might help her, or do more harm than good.
How many times do we interact with people and affect them for better, or worse, without even realizing it? How much are people carrying that we have no clue about, and our words, or actions, trigger that alarm inside of them...but we never know. I was gifted with the opportunity to find out what was going on with this little girl this time, but how many times have I triggered the alarm without ever knowing, or intending to?
It's hard. Thinking, and being aware of, the hidden alarms and triggers inside of people every time we interact with them. Especially when there's 25 of them all at one time, at the age of six(ish). But it's crucial. I want to get better at it. I'm striving to become more aware. Because even when you're having a bad day, or a bad moment, and you just want the world to stop and disregard you for a moment, it often doesn't. And your words, your actions, they still matter in that moment. The world keeps turning, and your words, your actions, have an impact that you may not even be aware of at the time. So, I want to slow down, breathe, and be more aware. That's my prayer.
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