Reflecting on my week so far, I'm beginning to support this theory. No, not beginning, I fully agree. A couple years ago, I don't think I would have, but life has a funny way of changing your circumstances in order to gift you with the lessons that you need to learn.
September means many things. Birthdays :), the long awaited return of the cider mill, the giddy anticipation of glorious colored trees, cozy nights with sweatshirts, blankets, and excited crowds at sports games, bouquets of freshly sharpened pencils, and a classroom full of new children with blank slates. I got caught up in the wonder of autumn for a minute, but yes, it's that last one that's the ringer this week. Moment of truth there:
That card sums up many recent afternoons in the past few weeks. And, you know, it wasn't feeling that great. In retrospect, I should have known better. After all, it wasn't my first beginning of the school year, and with the new comes intense temporary challenges. But, still, I guess I didn't know better yet. In complete bare honesty, I felt I was failing. No dramatizing intended; just raw truth. And, I definitely did not look at that failure as an opportunity, but simply that: failure. Like I said, I wasn't feeling in my prime.
However; I think most of it was exactly that: how I was looking at it and thinking about it. A few days later I ended up having an unexpected conversation with someone. One of those where it starts out light and simple: what you intend to just be a quick question, but then turns into a much longer, but very meaningful and impacting, moment. At the end of that conversation, I walked away with a very different view on myself, and my role in the classroom (clue: it didn't include the word failure). Quite simply, and not so simply, that alone seems to have changed everything.
The next day, the vibes and energy from the school day were completely different. I felt relief, purpose, trusting: and it changed how I felt about every aspect of the day in the classroom. Mishaps weren't failures: they were opportunities. Time constraints weren't a ticking time bomb: they were a chance to pick between which things were truly more important in the long run. And my kids? Well, I really feel my internal feelings and beliefs impacted them as well. I saw love, and happiness, in some that I hadn't noted before. Like I said, I think it was a change in them too; maybe not, but either way there was change for the better among some of us at least. And the next day, to my delight, was the same.
My definition of school in September used to be this: exhausting chaos. Now, it is this: children with blank slates. Why? I'm still in the exact same class. Because, my thinking changed. I hope I'm able to help others someday the way that I was tremendously helped in that single conversation this week. Because, it's really not your situation so much that matters. It's your thoughts about it: they're close to everything.
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